Play Therapy 101: Why Play Is Your Child's First Language
- Lisa Zawko
- Mar 1
- 4 min read
Originally published 2021 on Grow Counseling — updated and expanded for 2026.
Have you ever asked your child "how was school today?" — and gotten a shrug, a one-word answer, or nothing at all? It's one of the most common frustrations parents share. But here's what's worth understanding: your child isn't being difficult. They may simply not have the language yet to tell you what they experienced, what they felt, or what's been weighing on them. That's not a failure of communication — it's developmentally normal. And it's exactly why play therapy exists.
Why Children Communicate Through Play, Not Words
As child psychologist Garry L. Landreth put it: "Play is the language of children and toys are their words.” That single sentence captures something that researchers, therapists, and parents who've sat quietly watching their children play already know instinctively — children think, feel, and process through play before they can articulate any of it in words.
When a child doesn't answer "how was school today," it's rarely because nothing happened. More often, what happened is stored somewhere they don't yet have verbal access to. The feelings are real. The experiences are real. But the language to describe them hasn't developed yet — and for many children, it won't for years.
Play gives children a way around that gap. Through toys, art, sand, movement, and imaginative scenarios, children express what they can't yet say. A child who acts out a conflict between two figures in a sandbox, draws a picture of a storm, or builds something and knocks it down repeatedly is often telling a story — one that a trained play therapist is equipped to hear.
How the "How Was School Today" Problem Shows Up in Real Life
The Association for Play Therapy created a short video that illustrates this beautifully. It shows what it would look like if a child could actually answer that question the way an adult might — and why that's simply not how children are wired to communicate. It's worth watching before your child's first session, or any time you find yourself frustrated by the communication gap.
Watch the English version here:
Watch the Spanish version here:
How Play Therapy for Children Actually Works
Play therapy is not free play. It's a structured, evidence-based form of psychotherapy that uses play as the primary medium for a child to explore, express, and process their inner world. Virginia Axline, one of the pioneers of play therapy, described it this way: "Play therapy is based upon the fact that play is the child's natural medium of self expression. It is an opportunity which is given to the child to 'play out' his feelings and problems just as in certain types of adult therapy an individual 'talks out' his difficulties."
That distinction matters. In play therapy, the playroom is carefully designed and the therapist is trained to observe, reflect, and guide what unfolds — not to direct it. The child leads. The therapist follows, reads, and responds in ways that support the child's emotional growth without putting words in their mouth that they aren't ready to say.
Play therapy can be used to address emotional challenges, cognitive struggles, and behavioral difficulties. Therapists use both directive approaches — where the therapist guides specific activities — and non-directive approaches — where the child has full freedom to choose how to use the space. Both have their place depending on the child, the presenting concern, and where they are in the therapeutic process.
What Play Therapy Can Help Children Work Through
Play therapy is used with children navigating a wide range of experiences: anxiety, grief and loss, trauma, family transitions, behavioral challenges, social difficulties, and neurodevelopmental differences. It's also used proactively — to build emotional vocabulary, strengthen coping skills, and give children a safe space to process the ordinary but overwhelming parts of growing up. You can learn more about the specific concerns we work with on our counseling services page.
Where to Learn More About Play Therapy as a Parent
Understanding what your child is experiencing in play therapy — and why — is part of the process. The Association for Play Therapy's Parents Corner is one of the best places to start. It's designed specifically for parents and caregivers who want to ask questions, gather information, and familiarize themselves with play therapy before, during, or after their child begins working with a therapist.
If you're new to the world of play therapy, spending twenty minutes in the Parents Corner before your child's first session can go a long way toward helping you feel grounded and informed — which in turn helps your child feel safer about the process.
How to Know If Your Child Might Benefit From Play Therapy
There's no single profile for a child who benefits from play therapy. Some children arrive after a specific event — a loss, a move, a family change. Others come because something has felt off for a while and parents aren't sure why. If your child is struggling to express their emotions, experiencing behavioral changes, withdrawing from people or activities they used to enjoy, or carrying something you sense but can't name — it may be worth a conversation. The first step is simply reaching out.
Getting Started With Play Therapy at BrightNest
Play is your child's first language — and play therapy is one of the most effective ways to help them use it to heal, grow, and build the emotional tools they'll carry for the rest of their lives. If you're curious about whether it might be the right fit, the best next step is a conversation.
If you'd like to learn more or get connected with a play therapist, we'd love to hear from you. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and let's talk about what your child needs.
